almost finals?

Tomorrow is my last day of school, for the fall semester of my senior year. First of all, weird. Second of all, I have so much to do that it’s beyond comprehension. As my typical routine goes – I always get the urge to write in my wordpress on the night when I have so much else that I should be doing. So here I go…

As I talked about in a previous post, I have been noticing more and more the little moments with my friends and family. This past weekend I was home for Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful to be home for a whole 10 days, but it made me not want to come back to school at all of course. Considering the fact that I was already running on zero motivation, that break definately brought me into the negatives in terms of motivation. While I was there, my brothers and I had to do some yard work with my dad. A chore that wouldn’t usually be any fun at all, but for some reason, while picking up walnuts – my brother and I laughed so much. My dad kept calling us morons, and claiming to be the best bag holder ever. It was great. I feel like the older I get, the more and more I bond with my family. And a good relationship with your family is one of the most important things in life I think – and I feel blessed that I am finally experiencing and appreciating it.

Today I had a lovely and unexpected dinner with a friend from my HP class. We’ve been pretty good friends all semester, and always partnered up during the class, but tonight we actually hung out and talked. Have you ever hung out out with someone and as they spoke you felt like you were looking into a mirror – or that they were reading your mind. As my friend talked about her values, relationships, upbringing, financial situation, and faith I felt like she had some how read my life bio (that doesn’t exist) and read it back to me. It was such a cool feeling to connect with someone that closely who I haven’t even known for long and to be so open and have her completely understand me was such a cool experience.

I feel like God has brought so many incredible people into my life. When I take the time to step back and look at the bigger picture so to speak, I am left speechless. God is so good, and I have been so blessed.

What you learn from your friendships and interactions with people is more important than what you lean in school… or that train of thought is how I am going to justify not doing my homework tonight.

half of my <3

I’ve never been the biggest fan of John Mayer. But his latest CD is pretty sweet. I love this one.

Half of my heart:

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I’ve been
then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
half of my heart takes time
half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
that I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
oh with half of my heart

I was made to believe I’d never love somebody else
made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
lonely was the song I sang, ’til the day you came
showing me another way and all that my love can bring

oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
half of my heart takes time
half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
that I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
oh with half of my heart
with half of my heart

your faith is strong
but I can only fall short for so long
down the road, later on
you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart
but I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
with half of my…

half of my heart
oh half of my heart

half of my heart’s got a real good imagination
half of my heart’s got you
half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
that half of my heart won’t do

half of my heart is a shot gun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
and half of my heart is the part of a man who’s never truly loved anything

half of my heart, oh half of my heart
half of my heart, oh half of my heart
half of my heart, oh half of my heart
half of my heart…

catchup

It’s the end of October already…what?! I feel like this semester is going by abnormally fast, but I feel like I say that about every semester. October has held many interesting things for me. I went home to Arkansas two weekends ago for our Fall Break, where we got that Friday off, which for me was no break from the norm at all because I get every Friday off. But I skipped all my classes that Thursday to make the 7 hour journey back to my favorite place of all, the little town of Rogers. The weekend didn’t turn out at all how I was thinking it would, but in retrospect I think it couldn’t have been any better. I got to spend some quality time with my brother Rowdy, and that made the trip worth while. It’s so funny how the little unplanned bonding moments are the ones that mean the most. They can be the littlest of things, yet have lasting impacts. I feel like I’ve had a few of those moments within the past few months with some of my favorite people ever:

Over Labor Day weekend I was in Arkansas, and my Mema & Papa offered to take me to the airport in order to catch my flight back to Waco. It turned out to be the best ride ever. We talked about all of our traveling memories together, about how amazing my Dad is, and so many other random things. It was so unplanned, so simple, and so unforgettable. It was a chance for me to bond with them, something that I rarely get the chance to do. My mom called me that night and told me that Mema and Papa had called her to tell her how much they enjoyed the ride and how they loved being able to talk with me one on one like that. Funny how precious the little things in life are.

A couple weekends ago I went to Austin for some reason, probably a doctors appointment. Anyways – I ended up spending a lot of time with my parents – which is one of my favorite things to do lately. It’s like we’re a little tri0 – the three musketeers or something really cliche. I love it. So we ended up going to dinner at our favorite spot – Red Lobster. We were talking about lots of different things, and my dad was being a jokester as always, and somehow we ended up getting on the topic of my “dating person” – (this is a new term I accidentally created in bible study) – I told him the whole scenario from start to finish, and asked him for his advice. We sat in that booth long after our meal was finished, and until the restaurant closed. I will never forget it. I’d never asked my dad for advice on relationships before, but what he had to say was some of the best advice I’d ever been given. He made me see things from a whole new perspective, it was the coolest thing ever.  My mom told me that night that before going to bed he asked her “Did I do okay?” … precious.

Over fall break, I was “resting” that Sunday in order to prepare myself for the long drive back. Rowdy was getting ready for his flag-football game and so we decided to go play catch out in the front yard. He was teaching me how to throw, and make running catches.  We ended up making up a version of hot-potato with the football and it was hilarious. We were both cracking up, and it was so wonderful. It was like we were kids again… playing in the yard on a beautiful day, not a care in the world. The weather was perfect, the leaves were changing colors and I was spending time with my big brother. It was a perfect day.

I feel like I have these types of moments a lot, especially with my friends here at school. We’ll just be hanging out, having deep conversations, or laughing unitil our sides hurt – and I’ll think to myself – man, this is what it’s all about, this is life.

It’s so typical that I would sit here with the urge to write on a night when I have so much to do. I’ve already completed 3 of my tasks, but I have like 9 to go before I can sleep. I am the worst procrastinator in the world, I think I should get paid for it actually. Things that made today weird….

• I don’t have a voice. Everyone’s calling it Laringitis or something. When I do talk, it sounds like its somebody else, and my friends laugh everytime I speak. sucks
• There was no parking at my Apt. complex last night so I parked by the broken gate (where many ppl park often) woke up to find a $105 ticket on my window. sucks
• I went to my advisement appointment for next semester to find that I have to take 18 hours and 2 internships. basically I will have no social life. sucks
• Four of my close friends are graduating in December and won’t be here next semester. I only have 1 month left with them. sucks
• I have no idea what I’m going to do when I graduate and I’m scared. sucks
• I’ve only had sweet tea and a sugar cookie to eat all day. fail
• I skipped my Beth Moore bible study in order to do my loads of homework that I’m currently procrastinating. fail
• My water at my apt complex was turned off today from 10-6, I tried to shower at 10:05 … fail. Had to go to Dani’s to shower.
• I have no motivation at all.

On the brighter side… This past weekend was Baylors 100th anniversary of Homecoming and was SO much fun. Thursday night piano man was amazing, Friday I went to see Saw with Danielle and then we all went to the Bonfire. Saturday morning we went to the parade and then to the football game. I left at half time with Ryan & Skyler and we went to Georges for lunch. Then that night I went to my very first Pigskin with Alyca & Allyson and finally met up with everyone at Crickets for Katlyns birthday. It was beyond fun, although I don’t remember some of it. Sunday morning Rowdy & Sam came through and I got to show them my apartment & campus and then we went to Rudy’s for lunch. My voice was gone at this point, and I may or may not have been a little bit hung over so Row was joking with me saying “sure, you go to church here”, cause no one believes me. I really do though, just not this particular weekend.

         Piano man with some of the girls, we never managed to get a whole group picture that looked decent.    At the bonfire!

Out for Katlyns birthday!

 

This upcoming weekend is Halloween!!! I’m SO excited. I’m going to be an Egyptian goddess and we’re going to 6th street in Austin! Finally we’ll get to do something fun for Halloween! We’ve always been too old to trick-or-treat and too young to go out!

I suppose since it’s almost 7 I should maybe, maybe start my homework.

i love quotes.

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later, when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.

And those who were seen dancing were though to be insane by those who could not hear the music.

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings — words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.

Today I began to understand what love must be, if it exists. When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absesnce.

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.

Fear of the day – Peeing in a cup

First of all, might I point out that it is a Friday – the day that I don’t have class – and I am up and at it at 7:58. I’ve actually been up since 7, but that’s a whole other story. I’m sitting in Austin, waiting to go to the clinic to get my blood work done, and then on to the Dr. where I will finally be put on Accutane again, thank you lord! My face is out of control, but again – that’s not a topic for today. I was all paranoid that I was going to miss my appointment, so I woke up super early, and could hardly sleep thinking that my alarm wouldn’t go off. If these stupid appointments weren’t so hardcore and packed with rules I probably would’ve slept better.

Fear of the day: peeing in a cup.

I always have to pee in a cup for these appointments to make sure that I’m not prego. Accutane + prego = deformed baby. so they wanna make sure none of that goes down. Which is funny to me, because there’s no chance in hell I’m pregnant – but I have the most trouble peeing in a cup than any patient of theirs I’m sure. And then I try to tell them, I’m a virgin – I swear I’m not with child – thinking that maybe they’ll let me slip on by this time without the agony of waiting in the bathroom. but no such luck, they just look at me like – “Sure, we’re all virgins sweetheart, so what are you so afraid of?” . . .  but in the end, after many minutes, and stressing myself out – I always manage to return the cup and get the result of “CLEAR”. phew.

I went to dinner with Jordan & Tim last night to this amazing asian food place. SO yummy, although I’m pretty sure I only took like 6 bites of my orange chicken because I stuffed my face on egg drop soup before. But I was content. I got this fortune in my cookie:

“You have a charming way with words & should write a book”

I’ve always wanted to write a book – because I love books so much- but I don’t think i’m necessarily cut out for it. I can hardly stay on one topic long enough in my blog – much less for a whole 200 pages or something. And I feel like I don’t have any new and creative ideas. I guess I could write a memoir, which would be pretty interesting for sure. I have a lot of great stories in my life – most that involve me doing something embarrassing, or stupid… but nonetheless good stories. I could write a book alone about the adventures Allyson, Kevin, Peter & I had back in high school. Now, those are some good stories. I could even prob write a short novel about the many times I’ve peed my pants – - and here I am – the one who has the fear of peeing in a cup.

Well, it is time for me to go out and face my fear. May I be victorious!

what is homework?

It’s funny how the nights that I have so much to do, I can’t seem to pry myself away from my WordPress. I’ve spent the last hour trying to decide if I like my “theme” rather than writing the 4 papers that are due tomorrow, and the best part of the whole situation is that I don’t care… at all. I have no motivation to do my actual homework. Oh well. I’ll just cross my fingers that my teacher will be understanding tomorrow, and will accept late work. I keep telling myself that I’ll do it this weekend, but I think you and I both know that there is no truth behind that statement.

I’m obsessed with a couple different things these days.

1. quotes:

I could spend hours, literally, looking at quotes. During slow days in class you can find me clicking on random people’s Facebook pages and looking at their quotes – I always think you can learn so much about a person by what quotes they have. I also think its funny how I will click on a person who I think to be “good quote kind of person” and then they won’t have any quotes. And then I’ll click on someone else expecting to find nothing of interest, and they’ll have an awesome one. It makes me laugh, cause I’m  like – obviously I don’t know how to read people at all.  I usually find ones that i like, and i’ll email them to myself to add to my 30+ word document of quotes. I may or may not have a quote ap on my phone too. In the classes that I don’t have a computer in front of me, I’m usually scrolling through the app & sending my favorite ones to Madison.

    2.   lyrics:

I know this is similar to quotes, but whatever. I think lyrics are the coolest thing ever. There is nothing better than listening to a song and finding an awesome lyric. Even better when the whole song itself is just a string of amazing thoughts! I always feel like that song was written for me, or about me. I know, so cliche right? but I think that’s part of the beauty of great songs – they make everyone feel connected to them. I find myself looking up the lyrics to all the songs I know right now. Parachute is the kind of band that has an abundance of good lyrics. I’m kind of obsessed with them right now. I don’t think i’ve listened to a different CD in like 2 weeks in my car. It’s kind of getting out of control. Paget & I have even been texting lyrics to each other randomly throughout the day. like i said, its out of control.

 

I’m obsessed with other things  too, like books and boys and my car. but those are all topics for another day.

 

I started a bible study today. One of three that I’m in at the moment. It’s a Beth Moore bible study with older women at Woodway. I go with my friend Rosie that I met in bowling this summer, she’s so sweet. I think it’s just one of God’s divine appointments at work that we even met this summer. Rosie and I are the youngest in the group of women, but I think that it’s going to be such a blessing. I’ve always wanted to do a Beth Moore study, and the one we’re doing is Esther. My mom said that it’s amazing, I’m so excited to start. Tonights session was so applicable to me… and I couldn’t help but smile and be like…. Oh God, you knew I needed to hear this.

Intro

For the intro:

I love blogs, and journals. I have quite a few, probably one too many… but they all serve different purposes.

This one is different, it is made with the intention to be read, which my others are not.

I went to hear a guest speaker the other day, and his whole speech was about how we are a narrative species. He explained that we tell stories in any and everything that we do. Business people tell stories in their negotiations and advertising. Politicians tell stories, and the best story wins. Actors tell other people’s stories. Everyone has a story to tell, and in one way or another, will tell it. The Jews wrote down snippets of their stories and stuck it in the walls of the ghettos, even though they knew their fate. For all they knew the Nazi’s would just throw away the paper, but still they wrote. We all have the desire to share our story, and for others to listen. Children learn language to tell the stories that are already in them. History is made up of stories. The power of a story, is greater than the event.

 

So I guess you could say this is a little glimpse into my story.

  A compilation of stories that make up my days.